Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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