if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
