having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
