Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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