U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
