You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
