What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
