Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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