Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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