the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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