Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize