Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
