guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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