the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize