were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
