You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
