I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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