Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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