Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She has the best kind of daddy issues
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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