I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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