i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
