Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
