it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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