kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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