do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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