There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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