We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
