The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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