Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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