I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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