Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize