Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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