Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
