things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i have herpe
just one?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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