My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
