You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
