I wanna bring you to show and tell
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
