matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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