just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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