We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
