Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
