We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
