Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Randomize
