Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize