So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
