Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
honey bunches of taint.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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