Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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