Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
