I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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