if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
