My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
