Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
