honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
