Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
