hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
