Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it glows. i had to have it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
