Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize