I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
