Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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