The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
