Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize