some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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