My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize