sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
