I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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