i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Shame - the story of my life.
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