In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
