And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
