And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
