She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone needs a breathalizer
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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