White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
