i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
