I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
