filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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