News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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