I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
