Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
