I want to make a zoo with you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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