Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
