who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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