You really coming over, don't trick.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
