so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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