I want to have your abortion
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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