dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
