Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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