hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Floor bacon is actually really good
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