I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
