I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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