Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize