I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
