I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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