I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
