piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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