her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
