I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize