I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
