3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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