i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
