Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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