I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
