At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
